I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize