Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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