I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize