At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
