I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
