There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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