If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize