Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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