Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
