I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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