My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
