been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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