Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
