Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize