lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Randomize
