Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
