dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
