i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize