dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
