cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize