she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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