I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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