the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
