Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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