My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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