im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
