I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
