life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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