Me. At least after what I've been through.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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