Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize