I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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