oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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