I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
