ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
