I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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