I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
