No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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