Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
