I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
