Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
