am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
