: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
