You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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