my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
