...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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