Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
