I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Fuck appropriateness.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
