I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
