Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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