It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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