I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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