Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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