i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
