I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
