There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize