How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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