I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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