drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize