The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize