is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
