like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
