Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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