can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
