I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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