So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
