Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
