...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
