Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
