On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize