I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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