Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I AM VODKA MAN
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
