There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
