so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize