Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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