So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
